Divine Inheritance

I have been thinking about a talk I heard while on my mission...I would like to share it.

"When we recognize and accept the fact that we are of royal heritage, that we are the literal off-spring of God and that each of us has a divine inheritance of worth, our every moment of existence becomes more rewarding, more enriched and more cherished...It is my belief that we were informed voters at the Counsel in Heaven. When we chose to follow our Savior we knew what we were getting into. We knew of life with all its ups and downs, sickness and health, pain and joy, birth and death. We were also able to keep things in proper perspective, knowing these things are small challenges to endure in comparison to the prize in the end. Eternal Life back with our Heavenly Father. I can imagine that we jumped at the chance to begin the process, eager to complete the labors in order to enjoy the fruits. Our self-worth is God given, undeniable and never changing. Our self-esteem wanes and ebbs and is subject to the bruising and battering of life's hard-knocks. We are gloriously resilient and Heavenly Endowed to withstand and overcome. Once this vision becomes a belief, our lives change. Subtly at first, as with any child who learns, it gains momentum as new talents are recognized, it grows into a strength as new challenges are overcome, it ex-pans our very soul as life's pains are endured. In this state of transfiguration we become humbled as we recognize Gods hand in our lives."
By: Bro. Felton


This has always meant so much to me, and it mean a lot to me now. I am a true daughter of God, and He loves me. I know His Gospel is the source of happiness here upon the earth.


Thanks to all my friends out there :)

Starting Today

I admit that I have been slowly going down the road that just took me so long to get up. I think its a testimony that I am doing the right things...otherwise there would not be so much opposition.

Here are some things I want to do in the near or not so near future.
I want to feel better physically, mentally and spiritually.
I would like to loose 75lbs.
I would like to read and pray daily.
I would like to do service once a week, attend a session once a week and sleep in on Saturday instead of Sunday so I make it to church on time.
I would like to do something challenging instead of watching movies, like making clothes, jewelry and paint artwork.

All in all....I need to feel better about my life and where it is going. I need to stretch myself daily...it is okay to feel uncomfortable at times.  I need to make friendships outside of my home.

I hope you can help me do what I need to do to be the best KayLeigh I can be. And please understand how hard it is for me to be social...I just got off 3 years of complete isolation, have some faith and patience.

I sometimes feel like people think I am weird or off...really, I am just extremely shy and have built up walls that are hard to take down...I am not mentally challenged, just cautious and shy. Unfortunately my life experiences have led me to feel it is better to be alone, but I know thats not true.

Addiction, and the Road to Recovery

I have learned that by taking life one day at a time is the only way to get through the days when those addictions come banging on my door. I think about all those times I could have picked up a bottle over the past 2 years of giving up my alchohol (and other things), and the only way I was able to do that was by focusing on the moment. I cannot tell you that I have mastered my addictions... I guess they wouldn't be called addictions if they were no longer "addicting", but I have to keep putting one foot in-front of the other. I have fallen countless times, but I cannot let it get me down or stop my progress I have made.
What helps you get through your addictions? I really hope for some responses as I need some help myself here. The past week has been super tough for me, as Satan is working extra strongly to get me to give in to him.
Michael Jackson used to record himself giving pep talks and would then listen to them afterward...his biggest motto was "You are confident...You are strong...You are beautiful...You are the Greatest.". He also said "When you say it out loud, and you keep repeating it, the subconscious can make it come true." He beleived that if he put something out there--and said something was so--it would become reality. "Think it, See it, Believe It, Make it happen...Will it into reality."
This is one of the many things that make me draw near to Michael as a person. He was hurt by the country he loved, and had no true connections as those who are famous never have...Yes, he did make some bad choices in life, but the world treated him so badly even after being found Not Guilty, And I look up to him for being such a strong person and I find him so inspiring.
One of my Favorite Michael Jackson songs is "Man in the Mirror"...hear these words....

"Man In The Mirror"

Ooh ooh ooh aah
Gotta make a change
For once in my life
It's gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right

As I turned up the collar on
A favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street
With not enough to eat
Who am I to be blind
Pretending not to see their needs

A summer's disregard
A broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other
On the wind ya' know
'Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change, yey
Na na na, na na na, na na na na oh ho

I've been a victim of
A selfish kinda love
It's time that I realize
There are some with no home
Not a nickel to loan
Could it be really pretending that they're not alone

A willow deeply scarred
Somebody's broken heart
And a washed out dream
(Washed out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see
'Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make that change

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
(Man in the mirror, oh yeah)
I'm asking him to change his ways, yeah
(Change)
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make the change
You gotta get it right, while you got the time
'Cause when you close your heart
(You can't close your, your mind)
Then you close your mind

Just lift yourself
You know, you got to stop it yourself
(Yeah)
Oh
Make that change
(I gotta make that change today, oh)
(Man in the mirror)
You got to, you got to not let yourself, brother oh

Great song....so uplifting. If you havent heard it....Give it a listen on You Tube.
And once again...what helps you through your addictions and bad days?
Night

A Few of my Favorite Things

"Grumpier Old Men"

Grumpier Old Men

I was thinking of posting something random tonight...maybe my most embarressing story perhaps? Okay... Well I suppose I can share one moment I cringed over for a long time, and I only share this because it was so long ago.
When I was in 10th grade, my English teacher gave us the opportunity for extra credit. The assignment was to bring a clip from a movie that was humorous. Well, those who know me know I am a pro and procrasinating :)  So, as I was about to leave for school the morning the Extra Credit was due I remembered I needed to grab a movie with a funny scene in it to share with the class.
I quickly scanned our movies looking for anything funny and I saw the movie "Grumpier Old Men"...I hadn't seen the movie for a few years, but I knew it was funny because my parents sure gave a good laugh during that movie.
So, I get to school and play the Gag-Reel scenes that are played during the credits at the end of the movie...Have you seen "Grumpier Old Men"?

The old Man that is so "hilarious"

Well...lets just say as I am sitting in 10th grade English watching this "funny" movie I brought... and I realize why my parents had found this movie funny and why I had not when I had seen it prior... it was pretty dirty humor and wouldn't have been something I would have understood when I first saw the movie.
So my class who had laughed at everyone else's movies is now sitting in silence as my movie clip is played and as I am sinking lower into my seat....finally my teacher kindly asks me to turn the movie off.
I was so embarresed and was made fun of in the family for a long time afterward for being so innocent...and I was a very innocent child :) No one ever said a word to me at school about bringing the movie...thats just how innocent I was.

Saying Goodbye...till we meet again

It has always been a struggle for me to say goodbye to those I love and care about when they leave this mortal life, admitting this I must say I cannot imagine struggling with the death of a loved one without the knowledge of knowing I will see them again.
My first experience with death was my Grandpa O who committed suicide after having been tethered to his oxygen tank for a most of his life. He had black lung disease from working in the coal mines and was and still is my absolute favorite person that I have ever known. I know that he has been there with me throughout my life, I know some may not think that is possible since he did take his own life, but I believe God knows us perfectly and He knew my Grandpa's health struggles and pain he lived with day in and day out. I remember this being the first time I sang at a funeral, and I sang "I Come to The Garden"...and I have sung at many funerals since.
In my early teen years I remember going to a lot of funerals of those who did not win their fight with cancer like I had...I always had a hard time going to my friends funerals who had not won their fight, it was a mix of feeling blessed and guilty at the same time.
The hardest funeral I have had to deal with was that of a friend of mine who also committed suicide. I will call her H in this blog from here on out, as I may refer to her often as this story is what brings me the most sadness and which caused me to slide off my rocker for a long time.
I met H when I worked for a local Credit Union in Northern Utah, we sat next to one another and became great friends. She told me all about her crazy life, her daughter M and husband R and some of it I believed. Then, she decided to get a divorce from her husband and I watched her sweet M as she delivered the knews. When she had the house and daughter to herself she started partying to hard and got into trouble with the police and the daughter went back to the Husband. Now H had told me all these horrible things about the husband, and I mostly believed her so I was a little wary when R (husband) called me and asked me to help him with M since he had her all to himself now. I agreed of course, I loved little M...and R made a pretty good case for himself that H had been wrong about him and that H was crazy.
Well... I moved in with R to help him with little M while he and H were still getting a divorce...and H committed suicide. I will never forget that day for as long as I live that I got a phone call that H had shot herself and as I am hearing this I am watching M sleep oblivious in my rear view mirror. I felt like I should have listened to H, and now here I was living in her house watching her daughter M while R was working. H didn't have any family around so R and I planned the funeral with the help of the church. I buried her in pajamas and it haunts me. My brother said the family prayer and my dad dedicated her grave... she didn't even know them.
A relationship grew between R and I after H had committed suicide....but it was not a good relationship. He was very mentally abusive, and then I could see why H committed suicide herself, and then I remembered that she had told me all about him, and I didn't listen.... but It took a lot to walk out of that home because R was so manipulative, and M, well....I loved M and I still do.
This story I just shared has done a lot of damage to my soul. It is hard to share. And those of you that know me that catch me starring off into space....I am most likely thinking about M, and about H.

Great- Grandma Reta

Well....I just found out tonight that my last great-grandparent passed away. About 2 years ago Great-Grandma Annie who was 102 years old past away and I struggled hard with that one, and I cannot stop crying now with this death of Grandma Reta although I was not as close, I admit. Death just makes me so upset for obvious reasons, and I think of all the time I missed sharing with that person...I need to work on spending quality time with those I love. I love you Grandma Reta...I hope you enjoy your reunion with your husband and the rest of your family you have been separated from, I am glad we got to enjoy you for as long as we did!
I know that I feel so grateful to know that this life is not the end... I will see my loved ones again...and so can you. I am thankful for families and I am thankful for the gospel which teaches all I need to know to live with those I love again after this mortal death. I am thankful for temples and the work we do in the temples is soooo important. I am thankful to be a part of that work.

My dad and his family and Parents...only Grandparents left.

Endure To The End

D&C 14:7 reads, "And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God."

This scripture has always been one of my favorites...it is so comforting and guiding for me throughout my life as I remember its words. When I am having a bad day or am going through a tough time with something particular... I recite this scripture in my head reminding myself that if I keep the commandments and endure I will receive the greatest gift of all.
The word Endure has come to mean a lot to me throughout my life. As I go through hard times and as I am enduring the trail that is put before me I remember that God would not put before me what I could not handle.
It is still something I have to remind myself of on occasion to keep positive and endure for that gift of eternal life I so long for... and I am striving to keep that positive attitude as I try and live life to the fullest.
"Practice doesn't make perfect, it makes consistency."