Hi, I am 27 and currently residing in St. George, UT. My path thru life has taught me so many great things that I am truly grateful to know...but I have not always felt blessed in my life.
I will start at the beginning...
I am the youngest child in my family, my parents met when they each had 2 sons of their own and after getting married decided to have one child together...me. My parents were not active in the LDS (Latter Day Saint, AKA : Mormon) church until they saw that the kids in the neighborhood were not allowed to play with me because of thier lifestyle. I remember feeling hesitation with my age group my entire youth.When I was 12 years old I was diagnosed with bone cancer and after surviving after being so close to death on one particular occasion I knew that I was able to live for a special purpose. This experience brought me very close to my savior, jesus christ.I remained strong in the church and my testimony became strong as my life went on. I received my endowment in the LDS temple when I was 19 years old because I knew it was right for me.
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| Me as an LDS Missionary |
Two years later I decided to serve a mission to share my testimony of the gospel, I was called to San Bernardino, California. I loved sharing the gospel with my brothers and sisters there.While on my mission I became sick and after only 9 months of serving I was brought before my mission president who after prayer felt I needed to return home.Upon my return home there was not but a moment until Satan began throwing trial upon trial my way...which led to a slow but steady decline deep within myself that eventually led to my inactivity with the church. Three months after my return from my mission because of my innocence I fould myself in a situation that would change the way I percieved myself. I was first angry that Heavenly Father would feel it necessary for me to return home from doing His work only to be flooded with the feeling of inadequecy...I felt unworthy of the future temple marriage to a worthy Priesthood holder I had yearned for my entire life.I began living a life after this incident that showed just how much self-worth I felt I didnt have, which led to a spiritual death that brought me ever so close to a physical death once again...at my own hand.It wasnt until I was working with at-risk teens that I began picturing myself maybe, just maybe, somewhere down the road being a strength to those around me becuase of all the things I had been thru in my life...and once I had this vision of still being worthy of a special purpose I was able to start making the necessary changes that I knew were necessary for me to return to the only place I knew would bring me happiness, and that was living the gospel.Now with some addictions that would challenge me daily I started cutting out the things that I knew were wrong, but still couldnt do the right things such as going to church, reading my scriptures and feeling worthy of prayer.When I found myself making a new start for myself in a new location I decided to have my church records transfered to my new area...I found myself making an effort on occassion to attend my church meetings and after feeling the spirit in church one Sunday decided to meet with my bishop. The bishop had me agree to pray and do the things I knew were right regularly. When I found myself regularly attending my meetings and making good friends at Family home evening group it suddenly wasnt such a challenge to do these things with such effort, it became easy...most importantly I began feeling Heavenly Fathers love for me thru first through my friends which made it easier to start my relationship once again with my Father in Heaven. I began feeling worthy of the atonement of Jesus Christ and felt that self-worth start to come back. Now becuase of the atonement I am worthy and able to return to the temple. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and knows each of us individually. I know that He has a plan for us, a perfect plan, that provides a way for each of us to overcome all we will go thru in our lives here upon the earth so that we may return to His presence. I know He sent His Son to suffer, bleed and die for you...and even me. I know that we are never alone or forgotten no matter how un-worthy we feel of His love. I am so thankful for my ward family and Bishop for showing me so much kindness and love without hesitation or judgements. I know I could not have made the necessary changes that find me living the gospel fully without first feeling the spirit from within my ward...I am truly grateful for them.
What a start! I can tell you have a powerful story to share and create and live. I appreciate your bravery in reaching out and making it available to those of us who may be blessed by it.
ReplyDeleteI'm always surprised when people feel unworthy to strive for any of the blessings of the gospel. As King Benjamin pointed out, "Are we not all beggars?" (mosiah 4)And the Apostle Paul taught that those who have commited any sin(ahem, all of us) are "guilty of all" sins and we all suffer the same consequence of our sin (separation from God) and all require the same Atonement to overcome that consequence. The idea that there is some "point of no return" in sinner-ness is such a tricky tool of the devil. We are all sinners, full of the natural man that is an enemy to God. We all work on being better than we are from where we're at. None of us arrives (in this life) at the point where we aren't desperately short of the goal of overcoming the natural man in us. That's why Christ's Atonement is so alive and needed in every day of all of our lives. It makes our broken, sometimes pathetic best good enough.
I'm so glad you are experiencing the peace and reality of the atonement. And that you are increasingly aware of the love of the Savior and of your Father in Heaven. There is great power in keeping and honoring covenants. And I'm thrilled that you had such a spiritual confirmation while listening to conference. I'm always amazed at the miracles that pour out from it every six months!
Thank you so much Em....and so true about the not feeling worthy, I knew I was worthy because I had taught about the atonement on my mission... but Satan is so powerful and deceiving.
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