Lead Thou Me On

The past few days have been a little tough, but I also now realize they have been an accomplishment.
While resisting the urge to give into my temptations when they were within reach was the accomplishment, the realization that I still struggle caused some doubt within myself. I felt weak, even though I was strong...I judged myself of my past, even though I have and beleive the atonement.
I came home from that evening upset with myself for still having the urge to drink, when I should have been proud for not giving into those urges. I came home feeling judged by someone that was in my company because of my past, when in all reality its not their opinion that matters.
Why are we so hard on ourselves?
I choose to think back on this weekend as an accomplishment. I am human and I have urges, but I didn't give in to them. I believe with time those urges will become less and less, I just need a plan for when those urges come so I do not give in to them. I realize that I need to forgive myself of my past more than I already have...because it was tough recognizing that I still judge myself as much as I do for where I have been... I am heading in the right direction, shouldn't that be my focus? Its not where I have been...its where I am going. I choose to not let other people's perception of me affect me and my progress...not everyone knows where I have been and what I am struggling with, and that is okay...the people I want involved in my life anyways are those that see me for who I am, not who I was. I realize that I have to keep doing the small things everyday to succeed and be happy.... getting down on my knees to talk with my Heavenly Father and reading my scriptures DAILY is necessary.

Lead, kindly Light, amid the 'encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on;

The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead Thou me on.
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou
Shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead Thou me on.
I loved the garish day, and spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will: Remember not past years.

So long Thy pow'r has blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile.