Alcohol is something I have struggled with off and on for a long time. I had my first drink when I was 22 and instantly knew I had a problem becuase I could not stop once I took that first drink. I was a social drinker though, it was not something I did on my own and definatly not something I did every night.
A few years after I got over that first hurdle I started drinking again and in large amounts, but not daily and was able to stop after I had hit rock bottom (Well, little did I know that rock bottom then was not nearly as deep as rock bottom now!).
This last time around I took my first drink in Mesquite with a friend on mine, and of course drank too much. It was a week and a half before I took my second drink and from that night on it was a nightly occurance. And I am not talking a mixed drink or one or two shots... but anywhere from 8-15 shots in one evening.
I stopped calling my parents everyday (I always call them daily) when I started drinking again and I got a text from my mom saying that I must be doing something I wasn't proud of, otherwise I would call... she was right.
The thing is, once I started drinking and I let go of all the things that keep me close God and I left room for someone to come in and take over my life. I remember the day that I realized I was in too deep and I wanted to go home, and thats when I realized that I no longer had the power to make my own choices, someone else was making them for me. In error, my way of coping was to keep on drinking to deal with the anxiety and panic attacks of not being able to go home to my own bed and get myself clear of the alchohol again.
I am so thankful for my friends who stepped in when I texted them telling them I needed help getting out of the situation I was in, if it werent for them I would not be here sharing my story.
Good thing is I know that God loves me, I know the atonement is for me as Christ has already paid the price of my sins and He can also wrap His arms around me and weep with me as I struggle thru all the pain brought by this person who took so much.
What a blessing it is to have this Knowledge of God and His Son!!!
"His
arms are open and He WILL respond with warmth and love. He wont say a word to
condemn us; we have plenty of those for ourselves. He will only offer His
embrace."
"You must reach beyond a sense of the infinity of the Atonement to accept the portion thereof intended for you and you alone. You have the priviledge of His embrace. He is not on the cross. He is not in the tomb. He stands looking upon you asking, "Whom seekest thou?" He whispers YOUR name and waits for you to recognize Him. He wants you to feel His embrace. So yield to His entreaty. Give in to His love and, please, please say to the Savior, "Just Hold me, Tighter."
"Though it may seem that our own displacement from the right way has put us too far out to be reclaimed, it is not so. Not for anyone. If it is lost we feel, then we can listen to the voices calling for our return and move in their direction."
"The loving arms of the Savior are open wide to revieve us-- that when no one else seems to be around, when others do not appear to understand or even pay attention to our need for a hug, He is there. "if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after us...we can still be clasped in the arms of Jesus"."
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