Alright....here is my talk from church today....
"There could not be a better topic to speak on
other than what I was asked to speak on today… The Atonement.
I would like to share some things about
myself so you can understand how much of an impact that understanding and
accepting the atonement has made in my life…. I could stand up here and speak
of how the Atonement came about, about the garden of gethsemane…about our
brother Jesus Christ and His sacrifice, but today I would like to share how
that atonement can be applied by sharing my story.
My first trial in life was when I was
diagnosed with cancer at the age of 12. Before this event I was relying on my
parent’s testimony. But when the doctors were unsure if I had cancer I decided
I would ask my Father in Heaven whether or not I had cancer, for myself. This
experience is very sacred to me, and I do not share it often, but I will say
that my Father in Heaven heard my prayer and in this moment of direct
communication with someone I could not see I developed my own testimony that someone
actually was there listening to my prayers…. and also had the power to answer
them.
Throughout the next year and a half of
Chemotherapy I developed my own testimony in many other areas of the gospel
including that the power of the priesthood was undoubtedly restored, as I had
experienced the healing powers that the priesthood did bring to a failing body that
was so close to a physical death on more than one occasion.
Later in life I decided to serve a mission,
this was not something that I had planned for myself. But after receiving my
own endowment at the age of 19 and attending the temple regularly I received
another answer to a prayer within the temple walls. This time I knew that a
mission was what needed to happen next. I left to San B 2 days after I turned
21 and I enjoyed every moment I was in the mission field.
While out in the field I became very ill and
the doctors there did not know what was wrong. My mission president spent some
time in prayer and one morning called me and informed me he received an answer
to his prayer…I needed to go home and he already bought my plane ticket home
for 2 weeks later.
I was devastated…but I put my trust in my
mission president’s prayer.
This is where my journey takes a turn. Satan
knew I was vulnerable and he took advantage of the situation. You see, I did
have a testimony and it was strong…but it was not strong enough at this moment
for what came knocking on my door. It
wasn’t but a moment after I returned home from my mission that I was faced with
a situation that changed the way I saw myself and I instantly I felt I had no
worth.
Again, details do not matter…but I entered a
very difficult and dark time of my life where I did some things that I am
ashamed of. I spent many years traveling this road before I sought out the atonement…
I know if I had not made the choice to come back to the only place I knew I had
ever found happiness, I would not be here… as I had hit rock bottom and had 2
choices….I chose Christ after He made it clear my journey was not over yet!
Elder Holland in this last general conference
said…
"However
late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however
many mistakes you feel you have made, or talents you think you don't have, or
distance from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify
that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love."
I know that what Elder Holland said is true.
It is never too late to come unto Christ. Just as he said, NO matter how far we
have traveled in the wrong direction Christ will still be waiting with open
arms. Through the blessings of the
atonement, we can all reach the full measure of our creation if we will but seek
out the blessings.
I was talking to my mom about this subject
and she recalled a time when one of my uncles told her that he was sure that
God no longer cared about him. That he had strayed so far, that God would never
take him back… and it broke her heart.
Through experiences in her life she had come to know that God does care,
no matter where we are, and will open His arms to use if we will but look to Him.
Before I was born, my mom lost a 6 year old
son. I never got to meet my brother, Cameron because he was electrocuted in the
bathtub. She said that at the time this
happened she was about as far away from the church as a person could be. She
hadn’t robbed any banks, killed anyone or anything of that nature but, she had
not been active for 10 years and the church just didn’t fit into her life.
She said it was like she was a dormant seed,
rotting on the ground because she was not in fertile soil and received no
moisture . . . it would appear to the world that her faith was dead when in
fact, within her, like the seed of the lodge pole pine, there was a great
potential.
Did you know that the seeds of a lodge pole
pine cannot germinate the way a normal seed does? A seed from most plants will
grow when it is placed in dirt and gets water.
But, the lodge pole pine cannot grow until some very specific
circumstances happen.
In 1988 Yellowstone Park was devastated by a
wild-fire. The US Park Service had a policy to allow any lightening caused fire
to burn naturally so that old and diseased trees were controlled naturally.
Then, in 1988, after several years of drought, a number of lightening caused
fires swept through Yellowstone. The public was outraged that the park service
allowed the fire to burn and in fact, it eventually burned over 2 million acres. The public thought Yellowstone would never
recover from such a devastating fire when in fact, the fire was a necessity in
a number of ways. The burned out trees
became havens for woodpeckers and other species to live in the hollowed out
stumps. The ash fertilized the ground and in the greatest miracle of all, the
seeds of the grand lodge pole pine burst in the heat of the flames and a new
generation of healthy lodge pole pines took root.
Just as God’s plan for His forest allowed
for circumstances that would germinate a seed that had laid dormant for years,
perhaps decades or even centuries, God has a plan for us. If he cares about a
species of tree, can you really believe he does not care about you?
The Plan of Salvation has a provision for
those of God’s children who like the seeds of the lodge pole pine, are dormant,
have fallen in unfertile soil or need spiritual nutrition. It is the Atonement.
And, like my mom likes to say, where do people think the Holy Ghost goes when
people say “they LOOSE the spirit?” The Holy Ghost does not go to Bolivia or
Saturn or anywhere else, He stays close and waits for you to recognize your
need for your Father’s love and he gently guides you into the loving arms of
your Father because of the greatest gift of all….the atonement. He doesn’t turn
his back on us, we stop listening. And when my mom needed the Comforter to be
with her when my brother died, his love was immediate and without reservation
for where she was or where she had been. With patience and love, the Holy Ghost
led her to places, people and experiences that changed her heart. It wasn’t
immediate but, the Spirit was there when she needed it.
When I decided to return to the gospel I
knew it would be a struggle. I knew that Satan knew he was losing me and would
try every way possible to keep me on his side. I fought addiction and sin… and
I will say I fought the desires of sin for a long period of time. It wasn’t
until very recently when studying the Atonement that I realized I could
overcome the desire to sin…It didn’t have to be a daily struggle.
Christ when in the garden, when He was
taking upon Himself the sins of the world…He overcame sin… therefor we can also
overcome sin…
Mosiah 5:2 says concerning this that…
“We have no more disposition to do evil,
but to do good continually”.
I testify to you that this can happen if you accept the
Atonement into your life. You don’t have to fight sin off every day…thru Christ
you can overcome the desires you wish to overcome…He can and will change the
desires of your hearts if you seek Him. I am a witness that this is true. I
always thought that the quote “Once and addict, always an addict” was true.
But, it is not. YOU can overcome the desire to sin.
Elder Bednar says “Our
spiritual purpose is to overcome both sin and the desire to sin”.
Elder Bednar goes on to say…
“It is the Atonement of Jesus Christ that provides both a cleansing and redeeming power that helps us to overcome
sin and a sanctifying and strengthening power that
helps us to become better than we ever could by relying only upon our own
strength. The infinite Atonement is for both the sinner and for the saint in
each of us.”
Another concept that has helped me accept the atonement more
fully into my life is that Christ does not expect perfection, He only wants
asks to continually progress as 2 Nephi 28:30 states….“line upon
line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little” .
Going back to elder Hollands talk from this
past general conference….I loved the parable that he shared about the laborers
in the vineyard and how some were chosen to work from the beginning of the day
and some were only chosen to work the final hour and when it came time to get
their pay they all received the same amount…..think about this. Those who
worked all day received the same pay as those who only labored the final hour.
I cannot tell you how much this parable
meant to me just this short time ago. Even after coming back to church and accepting
the atonement into my life in more ways than I ever thought were possible, I
still felt that I was being held accountable for my past. But as this parable
teaches…He blesses all those who come unto Him the same, no matter how long
they have labored… for I felt that because of the years I spent away I had
missed out on blessings I desired.
Elder Maxwell said “The Past must not hold
the Future Hostage”…and that is what I thought would happen in my life, until I
heard and accepted into my heart that the Savior will not bless me any less
because of my past. So I want you to ask yourself… are you holding your future
hostage because of your past? If you are…the healing powers of the Atonement
are there for you as much as they are there for the person sitting next to you.
Don’t let Satan trick you into thinking you will not receive all the blessings
you desire because of something you have done….this is what the atonement is
for. And there is nothing better in this life than being At One with Christ, of
this I testify."
Recently I sent this man a letter, no hopes or agenda's on my mind... just genuine eagerness to know how he was doing and to apologize for things long past. Well, although there absolutely was no hopes or agendas, when I spoke with him a few days ago my heart melted. 
